I drove by your house today

For no particular reason, I suppose

Not because I missed you
Or because I wanted to pull in and hear the comforting sound of gravel under my feet as I walked down the back pathway to the slider by your room

No, that wasn’t it

It wasn’t because I wanted to tap the glass until you turned and noticed me, and I suppose it wasn’t because I missed you, because I don’t miss you

I miss the idea of you

Well
I think

Or maybe I missed your curvy hidden road
And the secret stairs planted along the twisted and bumpy one lane fire route
Along with the oddly colored houses leaning down the hill as if they were going to tip and create a domino effect that crashes every oddly colored house all the way into town

I didn’t miss you
I missed your curvy hidden road, and taking the secret turns to get around the oddly colored houses leaning down the hill and the twisted and bumpy one lane fire route

I missed you tapping your black jeans in the passenger seat while I hummed along to Evening Out With Your Girlfriend

I missed you mumbling about how I would have never gotten permission to drive if the lady with the glass eye had been in the car to see me barreling down your twisted and bumpy one lane road at these speeds.

I didn’t miss you

I missed us

But mostly the secret staircases and the familiar sound of gravel under my feet as I made my way down the back path to your slider

But without you inside, and all my belongings placed nicely outside, without me needing to tap the glass with my fingers until you noticed me

Because there was nothing to notice

And the twisted and bumpy path that led me to you then led me back down
And I hadn’t seen it since
Until now

And it led me to your cabin and it led me back down, but this time I went slow, admiring the sharp driveways and the mossy secret stairs and the oddly colored houses that have faded through the winter

And I missed you, maybe

Not you, just the idea

Just us

Or I missed you, maybe